The concept of being “special” carries a lot of weight in society. Whether we’re told from a young age that we’re unique, talented, or have something extraordinary to offer, many of us grow up with a sense of being special instilled in us. And while this belief can fuel our motivation and inspire us to reach for our dreams, it also has a flip side. When we equate our worth with being exceptional, we might place unintentional pressure on ourselves or feel devastated when life falls short of what we imagined. Balancing this belief with a healthy perspective is crucial to maintaining resilient mental health. Here, we’ll explore what it means to process the idea of being special and how this journey can support a more stable, fulfilling life.
Understanding the Roots of “Specialness”
From a young age, many of us hear messages about our uniqueness. Family, school, friends, or even pop culture tell us that we’re capable of greatness, that we’re different from others in important ways, or that we have some kind of “mission” to fulfill. And while these beliefs can be empowering, they’re also part of a broader societal narrative that places high value on uniqueness and exceptionalism.
The result? We start to believe that to be valuable, we must stand out. But there’s a catch: real life isn’t a highlight reel. Not every day will be groundbreaking, and not every achievement will be awe-inspiring. Processing the idea of being special, then, is learning to understand and sometimes redefine our self-worth outside of extraordinary standards.
The Pressure of Being “Special”
The pressure to be exceptional can manifest in various ways. For some, it might mean working tirelessly to prove their worth in their career, relationships, or hobbies. Others may feel like they constantly have to display their talents or reach certain milestones. And when life doesn’t meet these expectations, it’s easy to feel like a failure.
This cycle often leads to what psychologists call the “imposter syndrome,” where people doubt their own abilities despite evidence to the contrary. The higher the pedestal we place ourselves on, the harder the fall when we face setbacks or failures. This experience can create mental health struggles, including anxiety, depression, and burnout, as we grapple with feelings of inadequacy.
Redefining What It Means to Be Special
What if being “special” didn’t have to mean reaching high standards or outshining others? For many, finding a healthier way to process this idea means redefining what it truly means to be unique or valuable. Here are a few shifts that can help:
– Embracing Inner Worth: Recognize that worth doesn’t come from external validation. Rather, it’s a sense of inner value, rooted in self-acceptance. Being special can mean simply existing as a unique individual with inherent worth, rather than achieving something remarkable.
– Prioritizing Joy Over Achievement: Instead of focusing on the outcomes that might impress others, consider what genuinely brings you joy or fulfillment. These things may be small, but they reflect the personal richness of life that doesn’t rely on external accolades.
– Viewing Failure as Growth: Life’s obstacles are part of every journey, even for those who are remarkably talented. Redefining failure as a stepping stone to growth rather than a setback helps shift the focus from “winning” to learning. This is known as maintaining a “growth mindset” and there are many resources to help you integrate this way of being into your life.
By realigning our understanding of what it means to be special, we create more room to cultivate resilience and practice self-kindness, no matter the outcome of our efforts.
Building Resilience Through Self-Acceptance
One of the strongest foundations of mental resilience is self-acceptance. It’s easy to be harsh on ourselves when we don’t live up to our own expectations or society’s. However, when we accept ourselves as we are—with our strengths, flaws, successes, and missteps—our mental health benefits immensely. Here’s how self-acceptance can contribute to resilience:
– It Grounds Us: When we accept ourselves, we’re less prone to fluctuate based on others’ opinions or societal standards. Self-acceptance anchors us in a consistent sense of who we are, which helps us navigate life’s ups and downs.
– It Lowers Anxiety: Resilience involves learning how to navigate discomfort. Accepting that discomfort, setbacks, or even mediocrity are part of the human experience can ease the anxiety of falling short.
– It Encourages Adaptability: Resilient people are flexible. They know that they don’t have to stay “special” in every area of their life to feel good about themselves. They can shift, grow, and adapt, knowing their worth doesn’t hinge on perfection.
When we practice self-acceptance, we’re less likely to hinge our mental well-being on external achievements. This provides us with a stable foundation that can withstand life’s unpredictable challenges.
The Role of Connection and Belonging
A part of feeling “special” often involves a desire to stand out or be noticed. Ironically, what’s often more fulfilling to our mental health is not feeling “above” others but rather feeling connected with them. Research shows that a sense of belonging is fundamental to well-being. It’s human nature to seek connections and feel valued by a group or community.
Instead of focusing solely on individual exceptionalism, fostering relationships and building connections with others can provide a sense of groundedness and support. Whether through friends, family, or a community, the feeling of being a part of something larger can help counter the pressure of needing to be exceptional in isolation.
Balancing Personal Growth and Self-Compassion
Of course, none of this means we shouldn’t strive for growth or pursue our goals passionately. Healthy personal development is a wonderful thing, and it can be deeply rewarding. But when we pursue growth from a place of self-compassion rather than self-criticism, we’re better equipped to handle the journey. Self-compassion reminds us that setbacks don’t define our worth, and neither do accomplishments. This mindset shift helps us pursue growth without placing our mental health on the line.
Embracing Everyday Resilience
Real resilience isn’t about becoming immune to challenges but rather about developing the mental flexibility to adapt to them. When we release ourselves from the need to be extraordinary, we open up space to develop this flexibility. Embracing the ordinary moments—enjoying a quiet walk, sharing a conversation with a friend, learning something new for fun—nurtures a resilience that’s steady and unshakable.
Conclusion
The idea of being “special” can be a powerful motivator, but it’s only one way to find meaning and value. Processing what it means to be special within the context of mental health means finding a balance between valuing ourselves for who we are and knowing that we don’t need to stand out in every way. This shift allows us to build resilience, appreciate our own paths, and enjoy life’s small but profoundly fulfilling moments. In the end, being special isn’t about what we accomplish. It’s about living authentically, connecting with others, and embracing each part of our journey. If and when you ever are ever seeking company and guidance along that journey beyond your family and friends, rest assured that there are helpers out there ready to join you, just like us here at OnePatient.
To schedule an appointment with OnePatient, contact info@onepatient.org.
