Anger is a complex and powerful emotion that is a natural part of the human experience. While it can serve as a protective mechanism and motivate us to take action, many have trouble controlling their anger. Left unchecked, we can get stuck in the “cycle of anger,” leading to destructive behaviors and negative consequences. And to make matters worse, society as a whole is constantly being exposed to potentially angering stimuli via connection to the internet. Think of how many times your blood has boiled from a scandalous headline or rage-inducing post! And since this is an election year, we can be sure that anger will be on the menu for everyone more than usual in the coming months. Anger is inevitable, so we’re here to talk about it, as well as some adjustments that can help you tweak your anger’s intensity, frequency, and duration.
The Truth About Anger
Research suggests that we all have six “primary emotions” including disgust, fear, happiness, sadness, surprise, and anger. Anger is an instinctual reaction to being provoked, blocked, or threatened, which triggers the fight-flee-freeze response and affects our decision-making in the moment.
But anger has a secret – in many, many cases, it is actually functioning as a secondary emotional response. “Secondary” means that the anger is protecting more vulnerable feelings that are lurking beneath the surface. For example, a person may react with anger when feeling rejected or betrayed, masking feelings of hurt or insecurity. This common protective strategy is meant to drive away the threat. But in this case, the anger is just the tip of a much larger emotional iceberg. Beneath the surface of that anger lies deeper emotions such as hurt, fear, shame, or sadness, which may fuel and underlie the expression of anger. When individuals only focus on addressing the outward manifestations of anger without exploring its underlying causes, they may fail to resolve the root issues driving their emotional reactions. By recognizing anger as a secondary emotion, individuals can gain insight into their underlying emotional needs and develop more adaptive coping strategies to address them rather than becoming sidetracked by the anger. Speaking of, let’s review how we can get stuck in the cycle of anger.
The Cycle of Anger
The cycle of anger typically involves a series of stages, starting with a trigger or provocation that elicits feelings of frustration, irritation, or resentment. This trigger could be an external event, such as a perceived injustice or insult, or an internal thought or memory that activates anger. Once triggered, individuals may experience physiological arousal, including increased heart rate, muscle tension, and adrenaline release, preparing the body for fight or flight.
The Cycle of Anger
As anger intensifies, individuals may engage in cognitive appraisals, interpreting the situation in ways that justify or exacerbate their anger. This cognitive distortion can fuel feelings of righteous indignation, leading to rumination, hostility, and aggression. If anger is not effectively managed or expressed, it can escalate into explosive outbursts or chronic resentment, perpetuating the cycle of anger and undermining relationships and well-being.
There are also detrimental physical consequences of chronic or uncontrolled anger, including increased risk of cardiovascular problems (e.g., hypertension, heart disease, stroke), weakened immune function, digestive issues (e.g., irritable bowel syndrome, acid reflux), and muscle pain (e.g., chronic muscle tension, headaches). Conversely, repressing or suppressing anger can also have negative consequences on physical and mental health. When anger is denied or suppressed, it may manifest indirectly through passive-aggressive behaviors, somatic symptoms, or psychosomatic illnesses. Common physical consequences of repressed anger include:
- Chronic pain conditions: Repressed anger has been associated with conditions such as tension headaches, migraines, fibromyalgia, and temporomandibular joint (TMJ) disorder.
- Increased risk of depression and anxiety: Unresolved anger can contribute to feelings of depression, anxiety, and emotional distress, as individuals struggle to cope with suppressed emotions.
- Sleep disturbances: Suppressed anger can interfere with sleep quality and duration, leading to insomnia, nightmares, or restless sleep patterns.
- Relationship difficulties: Repressed anger can strain relationships, as unresolved conflicts and unexpressed feelings erode trust, intimacy, and communication.
Let’s look at a fictional case study to better illustrate the effects of repressed anger over time.
A Case Study: Tricia’s Repressed Anger
Tricia generally prides herself on being a calm and composed individual, rarely allowing herself to succumb to anger or frustration. As a devoted wife and mother of two young children, she believed in maintaining harmony and stability within her family. However, beneath her serene exterior, Tricia harbored a deep-seated resentment towards her husband, Dan. For years, Tricia had silently endured Dan’s dismissive attitude and lack of appreciation for her contributions to their family. She juggled multiple responsibilities, managing the household, caring for their children, and working part-time from home, all while Dan focused on his career and personal interests. Despite her efforts to communicate her feelings to Dan, he often brushed off her concerns or dismissed them as trivial, leaving Tricia feeling unheard and invalidated.
As the years passed, Tricia’s resentment towards Dan continued to simmer beneath the surface, manifesting in physical symptoms she couldn’t ignore. She began experiencing frequent headaches, stomach pains, and fatigue, which she attributed to the stress of managing her busy life. However, despite her best efforts to address these symptoms through medication and lifestyle changes, they persisted, worsening over time.
One day, Tricia’s symptoms reached a breaking point. She was overcome by a sudden and intense bout of chest pain, accompanied by difficulty breathing and dizziness. Terrified, she rushed to the emergency room, where she underwent a battery of tests and examinations. To her shock and dismay, the doctors could find no physical cause for her symptoms, attributing them instead to stress and anxiety. Feeling frustrated and confused, Tricia sought the help of a therapist to explore the root cause of her physical symptoms. Through therapy, Tricia began to uncover the deep-seated anger and resentment she had been harboring towards Dan for years. She realized that her body had been trying to communicate what her mind had been unwilling to acknowledge: that her repressed anger towards her husband was taking a toll on her physical health.
As Tricia delved deeper into her feelings, she recognized the ways in which her suppressed emotions had manifested as psychosomatic illness. The chest pain, headaches, and other physical symptoms were her body’s way of signaling that something was deeply wrong in her relationship with Dan. Through therapy, Tricia learned to express her anger in healthy and assertive ways, setting boundaries and advocating for her needs within her marriage. With time and effort, Tricia and Dan embarked on a journey of healing and reconciliation. They engaged in open and honest communication, addressing the underlying issues that had been festering beneath the surface for so long.
As Tricia learned to release her repressed anger and embrace her true emotions, her physical symptoms began to subside, and she experienced a newfound sense of peace and well-being. Through her experience, Tricia came to understand the powerful connection between mind and body, and the importance of acknowledging and expressing emotions rather than suppressing them. She learned that repressed anger can have profound consequences on physical health, but that healing is possible with self-awareness, communication, and support.
Coping Skills for Anger
Like Sarah in last week’s post, Tricia’s physical symptoms clued her in that her emotional well-being needed attention. In Tricia’s case, she realized that learning to manage and cope with anger effectively is essential for promoting emotional welfare and maintaining healthy relationships. If you want to lower the intensity, duration, and/or frequency of your anger, you can try the following:
- Self-awareness: Take time to identify and understand your triggers for anger, as well as the underlying emotions driving your reactions. Practice mindfulness techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, or journaling to increase self-awareness and emotional regulation. By becoming more mindful, your aim is to more readily notice the warning signs of anger in your body (e.g., tightness in the shoulders, increased heart rate, hot face) so you can respond rather than react.
- Anger management techniques: Learn and practice relaxation techniques such as progressive muscle relaxation, visualization, or guided imagery to reduce physiological arousal and calm the body’s stress response.
- Communication skills: Improve assertive communication skills to express your needs, feelings, and boundaries assertively and respectfully. Use “I” statements to express yourself without blaming or criticizing others.
- Problem-solving skills: Develop effective problem-solving skills to address the underlying issues or stressors contributing to your anger. Break down problems into manageable steps and brainstorm potential solutions.
- Healthy outlets for expression: Find constructive ways to express and release pent-up anger. Engage in physical activity, do something creative, vent to a trusted friend or therapist, scream in private, sing or dance it out, throw something soft against a wall, exercise vigorously, or otherwise expend excess energy.
- Boundary-setting: Establish clear boundaries to protect your emotional well-being and communicate your limits to others. Learn to say no assertively when necessary and prioritize self-care.
- Cognitive restructuring: Challenge and reframe negative or irrational thought patterns that fuel anger and exacerbate emotional distress. Practice cognitive-behavioral techniques such as cognitive restructuring or thought challenging to develop more balanced and adaptive thinking patterns.
- Seek support: Reach out to supportive friends, family members, or mental health professionals for guidance and encouragement. Consider attending anger management classes or therapy to learn additional coping skills and gain insight into your patterns of anger.
Conclusion
Anger is a complex and multifaceted emotion that can have significant implications for physical and mental health when not effectively managed. By understanding the cycle of anger, the anger iceberg, and the concept of anger as a secondary emotion, individuals can gain insight into their emotional reactions and develop more adaptive coping strategies. By addressing the physical consequences of expressed and repressed anger and learning healthy coping skills, individuals can cultivate greater emotional resilience, improve relationships, and enhance overall well-being.
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